i lay in bed thinking about all the possibilities for myself.
for so long i was suffocated by gender normative expectations.
then, something unlocked.
a liberating feeling that compelled me to act fast.
but it is past midnight, where could i even go?
i open my laptop…
the internet was designed for times like these.
i open a new window to window shop,
simply looking at designs, trends, fits.
needing to understand the vast world of fashion.
but i make a crucial mistake.
instead of opening items in new tabs or bookmarking,
i add to cart.
the plan was to sift through, remove most,
and buy a few items if i felt really compelled.
as i explored more, my fantasies start to become…
real… grounded…
almost like it was a thought drifting in space,
but heroically i take it in and give it a home.
visceral. that was the rush i had;
scrolling, clicking, imagining.
starting to truly see myself…
in the tops, pants, and accessories.
then, in a tragic misstep, i checkout.
money gone. i grew fearful.
then i remember the rush…
RECLAMATION.
and it all becomes worth it.
i exercise allowance… finally.
b y t y t o o s